Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness Month 2021

Hello everyone! I know it has been sometime since I have done a blog and for that I apologize. I have been working on myself with my new career and just trying to enjoy summer the best I can. Now that things have become more settled with my new career and fall has begun, I feel like I can devote more time and energy into Sweetpeas of The Sky Pregnancy and Infant Loss Support Group. I have been wanting to post a blog for a couple of days but the writers block was real. I have to be in a place where I can just let it flow freely. To be completely honest my anxiety is on a high the last week or so and my nerves are just a hot mess. I hate feeling like that. I think it has a lot to do with Retrograde, yes I am one of those earth loving witchy women that feel we respond to changes in the universe lol, but anyways...also the weather changes and there has been some tension and stress on the home front so that doesn't help. I am trying to not let it consume me and my PCOS has been flaring up because of all of the stress. But sometimes it is hard to just get your mind to relax but as always....things always end up working out for the best it just seems in those times its the end of the world.

Anyways back on track....So here we are again October, Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness Month. It is a hard month but also a rewarding month. It is hard because it brings up all of our memories and pain we try to keep buried but also is rewarding to see how far talking about pregnancy and infant loss has come. It is still such a taboo subject to talk about but I have seen it advance over the last couple of years. I miss my babies. Plain and simple I miss them! I never thought I would be trying so hard to accomplish the one goal I have wanted more than anything in my life since I was a young girl. When you are younger you think it will just happen, it's supposed to just happen. The everyday family dream, marriage then baby. But for some of us it is a lot harder to make that dream a reality. I am happy over the past couple of years I was able to get more answers on why it is hard for me to get and stay pregnant but it doesn't make the wait and the what if it truly never happens any easier. I still want to get my rainbow baby more than anything else in the world. We have decided to take some time off from trying and focus on other areas of our life including being healthier. It hurts it really does, I don't want to miss my chance or never having my baby but also understand my body, mind, and soul needs time to reset and with everything going on in the world it kind of makes us seem selfish to want to bring a life into this mess. That is something my husband and I don't always see eye to eye on. He wants to be a dad and make my dream of being a mom a reality but before me he never wanted to have kids and he hates the world today and sees it as semi selfish to bring someone into this world. I get it, I really do. This place is definitely not the way it was when we were growing up. I was born in the late 80s and raised in the 90s early 2000s so things were changing from when my parents were born and raised but we still had the wholesome family values and spent time together around the dinner table or watching a movie as a family. Now everyone has their own devices and is in their own world 24/7, or live to see what drama or news is going to break on Facebook. Take yesterday as a example....Facebook/Instagram was down for 6 hours and everyone freaked out. I am not going to lie I was bummed because I had stuff I wanted to post for Pregnancy and Infant Loss Month but I also was secretly kind of hoping that was it. I know I spend wayyyyyy to much time endlessly scrolling for nothing or putting my phone down then picking it back up 2 mins later. I hate it. That brings me to another thing. I took some time off of Facebook and it truly helped with my anxiety and nerves but I felt guilty not being around for my page etc. So I came back to try to get my page going strong again. I really am starting to think Facebook may not be the best platform anyways. I hardly ever get any participation anymore, partly my fault for being so wishy washy, but I have really been trying to get back on track and have been posting a lot. But I just recently made my Instagram account and I feel the platform and community are much more open and interactive with Pregnancy and Infant Loss Support Groups. I have almost 200, at 199 last I looked, followers and my page has been up for less that 4 days!!! On Facebook I have had my page going on for over a year now and just hit 115 followers. I am honestly thinking about switching to making this website and my Instagram the main accounts and be done with Facebook. Also I wrote a long rant on Facebook yesterday about how I always lose a friend or two when I start talking about pregnancy and infant loss stuff more frequently and that just goes to show the stigma and taboo around talking about it is real. I have lost not just only friends but also family because they find what I post annoying or too real for them. I understand some people it may bring up pain or memories they aren't ready to face or put behind them but for the ones that just find it annoying or too real it reallllllllyyyy gets under my skin. So yeah if I decided to get rid of Facebook all together I will keep you all informed.

I have also started, well trying to start, a Podcast. It is something new for me that I have never dabbled in but I see and hear so many people become hugely successful with it. I do not want to do for monetary reasons but to get my story and group out in the world more. But as of now I have only done one episode and last I looked only 2 people have listened to it. I want to work on making it more inviting and intriguing and really hope I can make something out of it. I have been told I have a soothing calm voice that is easy to listen to so I think I could really get something out of it. But there is a lot of technical things I have not versed on. We shall see. I would love to start having guest speakers as well, such as my husband, family, and other loss parents come on and talk about their stories or how they feel about everything. Here is the link to go listen to the 1st episode and hopefully more to come: https://anchor.fm/melanie-clark3/episodes/Introduction-to-Sweetpeas-of-The-Sky-and-Founder-Melanie-Clark-e187cna

Well as always I ramble and very random...but if you have read any of my past blogs you are familiar with my style. I don't do this to be a prize winner writer, I use it more as I need to get my feelings out and sometimes our feelings are rambled and all over the place. I will keep working on posting blogs more frequently and want to work on making more podcasts as well. I am hosting a Wave of Light candle lighting memorial on October 15th 2021 at 7pm est, the International Wave of Light Day and official Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness Day. I will share a live video via Facebook and/or Instagram and have a moment of silence for each of my 7 Sweetpea Babies *the art at the top of this page is something I made to honor my 7 babies, I have been trying to make my own art and things to share to my pages on Canva and I am having loads of fun, check it out if you never have!!* Well, so stay tuned for more information on the Wave of Light, you can find the event here on our website as well as on Sweetpea of The Sky Facebook page. I will also be starting more support group meetings monthly or bi-monthly again. I still want to do a silent auction/walk next year, time just got away this year and so much going on. I also really really really want to start raising funds so we can get t-shirts made in bulk and sell then locally and to be able to start having care baskets to give to families in their time of need. I am looking into starting a couple of different hobbies to help get and make items for the baskets. I am always looking for stuff people would like to donate such as: blankets, keepsakes, gift cards, spa/self care items, movies, candles, food, etc anything we could gift to a family going through a loss to help them maybe relax or not have to worry about making dinner etc.

Thank you for your time if you read it all the way through, your support means so much to me! Without all of you pushing me along I would of gave up along time ago. Somedays it is just hard but then I remember why I do this. To help others that know what it feels like to lose a child to know they aren't alone and to educate others that it is ok to talk about and we shouldn't be made to feel ashamed for wanting to share our stories and honor our angel babies! I hope October treats you all well and as always if you need ANYTHING, please reach out to me. Whether you need an ear to listen, someone to cry to, someone to take your anger, or to just sit in silence and just be with someone who understands sometimes we have no idea what we are feeling or where to go. I love you all and I hope you all can gain something from my rambles!!

Thanks again!!

Much love-Melanie